well....summer has gone by....slowly. I haven't started summer homework at all...
and I get incredibly sad listening to this song.
I cry because I'm scared that he will do the same thing to me as he did to Linda.
I'm afraid he doesn't love me anymore
I'm afraid I don't love him anymore.
The things he does.....I feel as though we're growing apart, as if we were ever close at all, fuck me.
He plays games all the time...well, I don't expect him to spend all his time with me or anything, but I'm tired of being the only one trying to keep this relationship up.
I'm tired of being the only one to initiate things, I'm tired of it all. I feel like I gave my virginity up for nothing, and I regret it.
I'm tired of waiting for him to text me all day...I don't want to be the one forcing things anymore.
all the things that he has done so far,
they have made me slowly fall out of love with him.
and I'm caught in between because I don't know if I'm sad that I don't feel love from him, or rather that I'm falling out of love with him.
if I break it off with him, I still want to be friends, of course...and if I do break it off, I want to do it face to face...and then. I want to be with him one last time.
every time I see him, though, I get so happy. Every time he touches me, I feel like going crazy,
and I miss him so much.
but maybe it's just a summer thing
maybe I should wait until after summer.
and I can't take this any longer, this pain, I hate it so badly.
I'm not sure if this song refers to his or my own feelings....if it even applies to either!
he probably does not care since this is just a high school love
hahah but it still hurts.
I should probably get over this in the future, but it's just bothering me.
he probably doesn't care, that's just it.
he probably won't listen, which is why I'm scared.
if I told him that the things he does are making me fall out of love with him, would he try to win me back or would he just let me go?
he tells me that he loves me more, but I definitely don't feel it.
---------
So I waited for him to go "available" on AIM....I IMed him before saying "Hey youuuuu" and when he finally was available...he says
"HEY YOU!!
RETIRING TIME"
fuck this. I don't think he wants me anymore.
I don't think he cares anymore. I don't think he knows how much I want to talk to him.
I don't think he knows how much this is hurting me.
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