well....summer has gone by....slowly.  I haven't started summer homework at all...
and I get incredibly sad listening to this song.

I cry because I'm scared that he will do the same thing to me as he did to Linda.
I'm afraid he doesn't love me anymore
I'm afraid I don't love him anymore.

The things he does.....I feel as though we're growing apart, as if we were ever close at all, fuck me.
He plays games all the time...well, I don't expect him to spend all his time with me or anything, but I'm tired of being the only one trying to keep this relationship up.

I'm tired of being the only one to initiate things, I'm tired of it all.  I feel like I gave my virginity up for nothing, and I regret it. 

I'm tired of waiting for him to text me all day...I don't want to be the one forcing things anymore.

all the things that he has done so far,
they have made me slowly fall out of love with him.

and I'm caught in between because I don't know if I'm sad that I don't feel love from him, or rather that I'm falling out of love with him.

if I break it off with him, I still want to be friends, of course...and if I do break it off, I want to do it face to face...and then. I want to be with him one last time.

every time I see him, though, I get so happy.  Every time he touches me, I feel like going crazy,
and I miss him so much. 
but maybe it's just a summer thing
maybe I should wait until after summer.


and I can't take this any longer, this pain, I hate it so badly.
I'm not sure if this song refers to his or my own feelings....if it even applies to either!
he probably does not care since this is just a high school love
hahah but it still hurts.

I should probably get over this in the future, but it's just bothering me.  
he probably doesn't care, that's just it.
he probably won't listen, which is why I'm scared.

if I told him that the things he does are making me fall out of love with him, would he try to win me back or would he just let me go?

he tells me that he loves me more, but I definitely don't feel it.
---------

So I waited for him to go "available" on AIM....I IMed him before saying "Hey youuuuu" and when he finally was available...he says
"HEY YOU!!
RETIRING TIME"

fuck this.  I don't think he wants me anymore. 
I don't think he cares anymore. I don't think he knows how much I want to talk to him.

I don't think he knows how much this is hurting me.

I want to cry but nothing will come out

wait wait...wait.
okay, the trigger went off
tonight I have a date with my tears, yeah!

well, technically, it's "morning"
Hahahha.

I hate him.

This song, ^ , is the song that Ly sent to me, that I absolutely fell in love with.

So anyhow, yesterday went out pretty well.

At 6 in the morning, well....we started at 6:20...ahhah, I met Mei at the tennis courts and we jogged a mile around the school track.  That was fun, and next week, we plan to do it again but for another two laps...so...about a mile and a half total.  D: I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Then, we sort of just talked it out a little bit...what I was feeling the night before and stuff...and how she coincidentally keeps coming across KV when she doesn't want to anymore LOL.

It was nice.  At 7 AM, I was supposed to drop her off at the gym to set up the volleyball tournament.  I ended up staying until 10:30 AM.  D:
Hahahh I fell on my back..the same part where I hit my back when I fell doing an ollie D:...this time, it was because I was trying to balance on a basketball.

It was actually pretty fun.  There were some pretty good lucking Volleyball guys...=O one of them flashed their tummy and it was heavenly.  He had the whole "v" thing going above his danger zone, and a slight six-pack.  =O....

Mei sure liked being there.  LOL but there were some violent volleyball players...jebus.  D:

anyhow....nick was smelly as ever.  Hahahhah so smelly.  Smellay.  D: but i headbutted his eyeball when we were playing the "knees" game.  He won, though....though he looked freaky.  Like a rapist.  D:
I prefer playin' with Ly...less dangerous, more fun.

Anyhow, Kathy came to my hous at 11:30....LOL we went to fresh and easy...and we totally just blew off the spanish project wahahha.  We ended up going around the plaza....to dollar tree, then curiously to La Curacao (bahahah we felt so out of place...it was ridiculous...) and then to Game Stop.  And then back to Fresh and Easy to pick up pudding and icecream.

That was fun D: she drove me there from my house...LOL and I taught her how to parallel park.  Ironically...and my dad saw it all too.  =D


So anyhow, when we got home, Kathy and I started playing guitar hero...that was nice D:
then Ly came at 1:30ish?....it was hella fun.  Kathy and he played some guitar hero...failing miserably were the both of them HAHAHHA.

then we all hopped on the bed and watched a movie called Uzumaki.  Major LOLWTF...it was so freaki'n weird...it wasn't even scary.  It was just bizarre.  That was fun D:

He started hitting my boob with my Mario Mushroom....then I threatened to pinch his nipples...ahahha that was fun...it was nearing the end of the movie and then he begins to molest my butt with my Mario Mushroom again.  D:
he says it's not fair how I can touch his boobs but he can't touch mine LOL.

Then the movie ended....and Angela texted me...she said she didn't know where everybody was...and so...

I typed out the words that "Ly and Kathy are at my house..."
and I purposely ran out of the room to take out my clothes from the laundry basket...and purposely left my phone in there...

and I don't regret leaving it in there.

because when I got back into my room, Ly was on the bed and Kathy was on the computer.

and then Ly and I started wrestling.  He had me in a huge hug from behind and we were on the bed...I was struggling to get out but he wouldn't budge.  O__O.  He asked me "GIVE UP YET?" and i didn't...I tried for a few more minutes...then I stopped and said "I give up" LOL

what he dosen't know is that I liked being in a position.  D: 

then Kathy and I teamed up....I got him in a hold and I told kathy to pinch his boobies...totally worked.  Right on the money.  D: 

and to make it even better....after a while, Ly and I were still on the bed...then I made an attempt at his boobs again, and then he grabbed my hands and threw me on top of him and grabbed hold of my waist and kept me against him.

I was technically straddling him =O...

we were in the position for quite a while....then Kathy tried to get me out of it cause he ended up almost pulling my shorts down LOL. 

what he doesn't know is that I liked being in that position as well....D:

anyhow, after that, I fed the kids some fries and we watched "It it a good idea to microwave this...?"

D: fun times....ahh....

after that, we sorta let Kathy on the skateboard...it was only for a little while, but she had to leave at 6 because she was going fishing with her brother.  that left me and my bra.  D:

 we decided to go to Monroe park to skate...and that we did...

On the way there, I lifted my front set of wheels up to skip a crack, but my back wheel did no good and I ended up falling foward as the board went back..
and I ripped the knees of my pants hahahahha. 

at monroe, we saw skaters.

and COINCIDENTALLY, ONE OF THEM WAS THE CUTE BOY I SAW AT THE CONCERT LAST THURSDAY WHEN FITZ COMBINED WITH LOS ORCHESTRA TO PLAY PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

lucky~~

D;
cute child with grey pants and green shoes. 

we forced Nhi to go to the park with us and watch us skateboard LOL

and her siblings came soon after....Duy says the group of kids definitely go to our school...

wahahahha.

so we chilled at Nhi's house a while at the park, after Duy left us to play soldier front.  Hahahha.

whenever Nhi wasn't looking, he'd molest my tummy...AND we also teamwork...cause I was messaging Nhi...LOL....he would take over my hands that were messaging her and then I'd grab her boobs.
D: fun stuff.

and then he went home.
then I talked to Nhi for a while longer.
and then I went home
I was happy. 


Today, my mom dropped me off at the mall while she went to the swapmeet with my pops...I bought his keychain that I was dared to get...And mannn D: that was mann.....he has a kakashi.  D: mine is gaara.

I'm happy.
though I'm sure it won't last long.